Hey! First of all, the title of my new blog "Forgiven, Found & Rescued" has a special meaning for me. It's lyrics to the bridge of an amazing song by a singer Aaron Keyes, which you'll read about later. But that is what we are in Christ. It's what I became at the end of all the trials in my life, and I'm really hoping this blog will help and encourage anyone reading it. Stay strong in your faith! Here is my testimony:
My name is Emily. I'm 18 years old. My testimony isn't like the ones you usually hear of. I didn't grown up in an abusive family. My parents are still together. I was raised in a Christian home my entire life. But like everyone, I have had to overcome some very tough challenges. Bear with me here as I attempt to type it all down to share with you...
Might as well start at the very beginning, right? (And by beginning, I mean VERY beginning.)
I was born 3 months early, in July instead of October. I weighed 2 pounds, 1 ounce. Yep... I also had some type of fluid around my heart, and my brain was swelled. I should never have lived past the first night. The doctors didn't think I would. My mom hardly got a chance to hold me, before I was taken away from her. As if that wasn't enough to deal with already, since my health was so bad that my chance of survival was very slim, I was life-flighted to a hospital about 2 hours away. My first flight on a helicopter! Exciting, right? If only I remembered it... probably a good thing I don't, considering all the obstacles, and I was only a few days old.
Anyway, I don't remember all the details, but my parents watched the helicopter fly away. My dad told me once that as they watched it leave, he had a sense of peace that everything would be okay. How could something like this turn out okay, you might ask? Keep reading!
My parents walked into the hospital one day after getting something to eat or something (yes, they slept there on very uncomfortable mattresses and it was freezing!) and all the doctors and nurses were crowded around together. My parents were starting to worry. "What was going on with my baby?" So they rushed over and the doctor or nurse told them that the fluid around my heart was completely GONE! And the swelling in my brain was going down. "I have no idea where it went!" the nurse exclaimed!
"We do." my parents said.
God. That's where. He removed it. He healed me. So, I guess you could say I'm a miracle baby.
But there was one catch. Doctors told my parents that I would definitely
have some percentage of mental retardation.
But here I am, nearly 19 years later. No degree of any mental disabilities.
Anyway, like I said, my parents raised me in the Christian faith. I lived with my dad's mom for about 3 years before we found our current house. I was a very happy baby, who very rarely cried over anything. My mom said I used to ask questions about Jesus all the time as a young girl.
I went to pre-school at my church. But I wasn't ready for it, so they waited an extra year to send me. So technically, I should have been a grade above where I was all through school. But after my pre-school and kindergarten years, came elementary school at the school I've attended my whole life. In elementary school, I was always made fun of because I was smaller than everyone in my grade. I remember coming off the bus and walking into the house crying because of something some kids said to me that day. Kids eventually grew up, and in 4th grade, I met my best friend.
Also, when I was 10 years old, I found out I had a spine condition called scoliosis.That is where the spine is curved at a larger degree, making me walking semi-crooked. My parents decided to have me go to a hospital (the same hospital I was life-flighted to as an infant, in fact) to get it checked out. I had 2 options:
1.) Wear a hard brace for 5 years.
or 2.) Surgery
We opted for the brace. It was very hard to put on, and it straightened my spine. My friends all wanted to punch me, because it was like wearing a hard plastic shield... it didn't hurt me. But those first couple weeks, when I had to put it back on after my shower, I remember just laying in my bed crying from the pain. I never protested to my parents, because I wanted to stay strong and just get the problem fixed.
Soon, I got used to it and it didn't hurt as bad. It only bothered me when I was itchy and couldn't reach my side or wherever the itch was. But fortunately for me, when I was 13, I got to take the brace off for good. I was able to wear jeans again!!!
I also needed braces a few years later.
I don't remember when I became a Christian. All I know was that I was very young. I wish I remembered exactly what happened and where I was.
When I was in 9th grade, I got my first boyfriend! His
name was Tom, and he was a grade under me. He told me he liked me one
night over a text or facebook, and the next morning was Labor Day and I
told him I liked him, too. He came to my house and met my family and we
hung out. Dad and I drove him home and after that, we texted constantly
and he called me a lot after school (though service was bad near where
he lived). We hung out at school football games, and took weekends and
went to the mall. I was very shy around him, because I was only 15 and
he was my first boyfriend! He's dated other girls before me. The most we
ever did was hold hands, and in school he kissed me cheek once, and my
hand maybe twice. Then one day, my school had a Fall Fine Arts concert
and a friend of both of ours in his grade came up and told me Tom was
going to break up with me. Of course I didn't believe him. Then Tom was
acting weird, so I texted him, and sure enough, he dumped me after
dating for about 6 weeks. I shouldn't have had to find out from everyone
BUT him! and over a text... I mean, really? I was really upset about it
for a long time afterwards, and it was extremely awkward in school. My
friends were still friends with him and I saw him often. We stopped
talking altogether. Soon enough, it wasn't awkward anymore, but to this
day we don't talk.
Life was normal up until 10th grade. My one bestie and I expanded our group of friends, as we gradually met others. We hung out every weekend, shared secrets, and everything that young teenage girls do. We were also very over-dramatic about things.
I became very active in the music department of my school. Yay music dork!<3 I played the violin in the orchestra, sang in the chorus, and was involved in the musicals. Also, I started learning to play the guitar. I instantly fell in love. But a lot of times I didn't want to practice because of the teacher I had. She wasn't my favorite person.... So, I never practiced what she gave me, so my progress was slow, and I became frustrated that a year into my lessons, I couldn't play a chord progression smoothly enough to satisfy me or her. So I left. My cousin taught me a lot during a few summers when he was home from college (to be a music teacher). I was happier with that, and actually enjoyed what I learned (for the most part).
My guitar became my "safe place" for when life got hard.
Back to school. Tenth grade came and things started to get a little rough, but nothing we couldn't handle. Or so we thought. We had crushes, and joked around with everyone. Most people would consider me a very quiet person; most still do.
But back to the musical stuff. Like I said previously, I loved musicals! We were one big family. We trusted each other, joked around about everything, and just enjoyed being together. Our director was pretty awesome, too. Of course we had some issues along the way, and tech week was never enjoyable being at the school late into the night practicing, but at the end, it paid off. Our musical that year was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. My favorite, by far! One of my long-time crushes starred in the show, and he was shirtless for a scene, soooo I was a happy girl. :P The afternoon of our opening night, one of the dancers got into a serious car accident and got killed. The Joseph cast all met in the band room of our school and circled up. We formed a prayer circle, and walked around talking and comforting each other however we could manage. Just remembering that night, all the grief shared and seen, makes me want to cry even now over 2 years later. We became so close that night. We didn't perform the show, needless to say. But the next night, we did! We got through it, and broke down afterwards in the arms of our cast family members. I've never felt that close in a musical cast since.
Also that year, I went through a very hard time shortly after her death... I stood up for my Christian beliefs about homosexuality being a sin. I lost nearly every single one of my friends that weekend. The ones I didn't lose became distant enough. I walked through the school alone for my last 2 years basically. It got to the point that I was afraid to go to school because of what the other kids might say to me. I was cyber-bullied any time I got online... texts came too. Bullies are everywhere now, and people aren't afraid over a computer. Then everyone tried to turn it back on me.
Then that weekend, God sent a long-lost friend from my old church back into my life and turned things right-side up again! He soon became a big crush of mine for quite awhile, hehe. He made me smile, and we were into a lot of the same things: music, beliefs, and basically could talk about anything and be silly. We texted constantly and that was one of the only ways I made it through my school days. Things started to cool down a bit after a few months, then it would magically start up again at random moments and things got awkward again with my friends. I do not regret that decision, and would do it again in a heartbeat. I became a stronger person because of it. I may have trust issues now because of most people from my school that year, but at least I'm more cautious.
The end of the school year, I found out that my best friend in the world was moving 2 hours away. At that time, it seemed like the worst thing in the world. We all left our one friend's house crying after swimming and going in the hot tub, so as we were driving my friend home one last time, her and I joked (trying to lighten the moment) through our tears that we didn't know if we were wet from pool water or crying. We stayed up that whole weekend until 3am every night texting each other about any little thing we could think of. Reminiscing on the school year, telling secrets, and having deep conversation about the future and how we felt... couldn't leave that out, even though it was obvious for both of us. No one could cheer me up during the day. It felt like my heart was breaking. She left June 25 that year... the start of the summer. I didn't see her again until August. It felt like the longest 2 months ever! We've never gone that long without seeing each other because of school, since 7th grade. We called and texted as much as we could, until her parents got mad at her for using her phone too much. Yep, we were mad.
Not gonna say we ever got used to it, because then I'd be lying. But we learned to get by. Life was changing for both of us in different ways.
That summer, my grace brethren church raised money for us to go on a 5 day trip called Momentum. Lucky for our first time there, we only had to travel less than 10 minutes to get to where we stayed. It's a Christian summer camp thing... minus the camp... not sure what to call it. But anyway, there were speakers and amazing music from Aaron Keyes, and a lot of classes to choose from for each day. On the second to last day, each church group went on a separate missions trip to help around the community and witness to people. I'm pretty sure we went to a park? Not sure why I can't remember that detail, but it was tiring. The final night there, we all celebrated and danced after communion and feet washing and deep conversations. It was sooo amazing!!!! I got so close with that group and we were already talking about next year! We laughed together and shared secrets.
Only one problem. I was kind of flirting with this guy (Let's call him W) I didn't like in the way he supposedly liked me. Later I found out he had a lot of mental issues going on that I never knew about... My mom found a conversations once and banned me from talking to him. He created a secret account on facebook under a Christian name and we talked from there. Mom found out again. I felt horrible for betraying her trust and silently vowed never to do anything like that again! Throughout the whole thing, I hardly talked to ANYONE about it, just wanting to stop thinking about it, which was near impossible. Everyone could see how upset I was, but no one knew why at first. I felt like such a horrible person for everything I've done.
A few days after Momentum, I met some new friends on facebook. Glad they didn't think I was creepy for just randomly adding them. To this day, a few of them are some of my closest friends and I'd trust them with my life, like I would with any of my local best friends! One especially I became closer with; his name is Isaiah! Not sure why I suddenly confided in him about so much, but it just happened one day. He has also strengthened my faith in ways he'll never know. :)
11th grade was here! We were JUNIORS! OH MY GOSH! EXCITEMENT! Then it died down as the work loads piled up. I lost more friends during that year. I guess you could even say, I made enemies. Drama was also starting at my church. My youth leader one night at youth showed the video of Louie Giglio's Mash-Up! Youtube it. Still takes my breath away, and I got to see it LIVE! Well, I was thinking: "I'm gonna like this!" So we watched the video. Then randomly, my youth leader started saying how he was sick of hearing about the "gay" situations and how "we" (subtly meaning me) were cowards and hypocrites. I was SO angry and hurt by that. I never felt comfortable around him since that evening. I even tried to avoid him as much as possible, and spoke as little as I could at youth, only wanting to get out of there. I also heard from a married couple that I talked to Sunday mornings, that my youth leader told them to watch out for me because I was supposedly "flirting" with the husband... Umm, NO! He didn't know me at all, if that's what he thought.
Christmas was here! My mom told me I could talk to that guy (W) I used to talk to before, again. We started talking again, just friends. Things were okay, until around February. I found out that he lied to me about so many big things... probably scared I'd stop being his friend if I knew the things he was into. No drugs as far as I know, although he was pressured. But he was into some very bad things in his spare time, and he didn't get along with his family at all. He ended up moving out of his house and I haven't heard from him since. I used to be tempted to ask how he was, but it was forbidden by my mom. I didn't have much of a problem though, since I was angry that he did that to me. Since then, I've had issues with who I trust and what I tell certain people.
The school year finally ended, and my church was getting ready for Momentum again in the summer! Kentucky this time. I was excited for everything again, plus the chance to meet my facebook friends from the previous year. We traveled with a different youth group, and had a blast driving down! The van pulled up to the building where we could check in and we were happy to stretch our legs after the 8 hour drive. We were yelling about some silly game we played on the way there and laughed at the confusion floating around. Then I met my online friends! I heard my name called, and it took me a second to realize. Sadly, we didn't get to hang out much that week because we were all on different schedules with groups, but we did see each other and talk sometimes, which was fun! Some things about it, I liked the first year better. Other things, I liked the second year. So when people ask which year was my favorite, I have trouble deciding. Our mission trip that year. we went to a mall and witnessed, then we went to a home where people gave out... food I think? or clothing or something, or maybe a bit of everything. But I was ecstatic because I got to play guitar! This one guy named Marcus sang Jesus Friend Of Sinners as a duet with me! :) Every time I hear that song, I think of that day! Lots of work was done, and we were all tired and sweaty when we got back. The girls made a beeline for the showers. We had a dance/singing party in there singing Aaron Keyes! Soooo much fun! The celebration at the end was also awesome, but since we weren't on the floor that year, no one really danced. Then we rushed to get ready to go home the next morning. We were up late the night before talking, and we overslept, so we were in a rush! Saying goodbye to our friends that day was sooo hard.... and we were all exhausted.
Rough couple of weeks after that. Quite a few sleepless nights and arguments with friends over silly things.
Early August, I got a job! I was so happy to be able to be making my own money to save for a car and college.
Then I found out we were moving churches and I was very confused for months.... I've known that even at Momentum. I wanted out of that church, but I didn't... We were going back to our old old church from when I was really little and I hardly knew anyone, so I was really nervous. We started there again and everyone made us feel at home, and we got to know everyone again. I became good friends with people in my new youth group. I wasn't completely happy with the way things were going, but the road was getting smoother.
Senior year!
I still had friend issues all year, that kind of ebbed and flowed throughout the whole year... Lots of homework, work, house work, extra activities outside school, and still tried to take time for myself and to talk to friends and think about what I wanted to do for college. I got stressed out a lot! By this time, we switched churches and my spiritual life was growing. I was friend with the kids in the youth group, and getting closer with other members of the church. I took time to pray more than I used to, and try to depend on God more. I still need to work on it a lot when certain circumstances happen. A lot of my friends have been in hard situations. One friend in particular had a situation much like mine in 10th grade, and my heart broke for her. She doesn't like when people focus on her when she's going through something, but that's just the kind of person I am; I wanted to fix everything. Problem was, I didn't know how! Then my church was putting on a Passion play for Easter. She came to see it and was moved deeply. Since then, if I'm going through something, she reminds me that God is always here. Coming from her, it means a lot! God is so good! It's amazing how things work out.
Not soon enough, graduation day! I was so happy to hang out with friends in the gym, and joke about our tassels until it was time. We graduated after a lot of speeches, and it felt amazing, but so unreal at the same time.
Currently, I am working on what to do after going to a community college. I will be trusting that God will direct my steps. Proverbs 3:5-6 says to lean not on our own understanding and God will set our paths straight! He's never failed in my life before, through every trial I've endured. He was holding my hand and walking with me the whole time, even when I wasn't thinking about that.
I play guitar for my church's Saturday Night Service praise band too, and every week is so nothing short of amazing! To feel how the worship affects us on the stage, and to see how it affects those in the church is truly remarkable! Watching others worship our Almighty God is a beautiful thing! I'm so blessed to have this church and my family and friends to stick by me through everything! I also have the amazing opportunity to go on a missions trip with 30 people, both from my church and one in another town. We're flying to LIMA, PERU!!!!! So beyond excited to see how God works through us all!!! I'll definitely have a post up about it afterwards! A few weeks afterwards, I started getting nervous, questioning whether I was really worthy of serving God in another country. Many verses from the Bible kept popping up that answered my question that: Yes, I am supposed to do this.
Romans 11:29 says "for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable."
1 Kings 8:61 says "And may your hearts be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time.”
and of course, the famous Jeremiah 29:11. God has plans for me, some I know and am anticipating with great joy and excitement. Others He has yet to reveal to me. I will wait patiently on Him until then! :)
